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Atla

Writer Extraordinaire.
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Jan 17, 2020
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Location
Asheville NC
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I was sent over here from NC4x4, and so far - it looks like I ought to fit in just fine.

But the reason I was sent over here, was because:
1. I like guns, a lot.
2. I'd rather vote for a head of rotten cabbage than a Democrat.
3. I wrote a book.

So the main purpose of this thread is to introduce myself... hello, I like guns. And the secondary purpose is to ask for your help for my book, which you folks may find interesting because it's an adventure/western/science fiction book written for gun people by a gun person.

And here's the thing.

The book is finished.

Now I need feedback. Honest, brutal, hurt-my-feelings feedback. Because it's more important for me to make a good product than to protect my ego. Also, the better it is, the more likely I can get it published, make money, write more books, buy more guns, and actually be able to afford to shoot them. (Have you priced .50 cal lately?!)

If you're a western gun aficionado, or a horse owner, I could certainly use your help as I'm weak in those areas. I've researched what I could... but from what I gather, horse people get as ticked off as we gun folks do when you get an obvious detail wrong. And any moment that makes a reader stop and go, "Wait... what?" is the absolute worst mistake a writer can make.

What's it on?

Well... if you like Magnificent Seven, Jurassic World, and Planet of the Apes - you ought to like this.

falpicwop.png


For a sampling of the first, heck I dunno, dozen or so chapters - here's a link:

West of Prehistoric

If you are interested, let me know and I'll send you a word document. I would offer to send paper copies, but it's not cheap to send an inch thick book through the mail.

So far, feedback has been great. I seem to have created something worthy of being read.

But I'd love to have feedback from my actual target audience. (Which is you people.
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Welcome.

Are you wanting technical feedback? Or all feedback (grammar, etc)?

Because I made it about a dozen words in before I ran across one. :D

Soldier’s bodies...shouldn’t it be Soldiers’ bodies?

Misuse of apostrophes make me cringe. There are so many things posted around my office where they’re used to make something plural that I had to just stop reading the stuff.

Work blocked your site, so I’m going to read it on my phone.
 
Anything and everything!

Awesome catch, I'm a grammar newbie so I have a hard time with it. Bad enough to the point where I've bought a 'How To' book on it. It's what I get for never paying attention in English class growing up...
 
Won’t the MS Word spell and grammar checker find most’a those?
 
Won’t the MS Word spell and grammar checker find most’a those?
Maybe?

But then things like this:

“The explosion of splinters as the fractioned log burst apart did nothing to ease the hot anger that boiled up from within.”

Was fractioned the word he wanted? Or should it have been fractured? Maybe? It’s spelled correctly, which is when spell-checker makes it worse for people that depend on it too much.
 
Lightning split the distant sky, and I counted the seconds before the boom reached me. Five seconds. That meant it was about five miles out and appeared to be just getting warmed up.

5 seconds = 1 mile, not 5 miles :p
 
I jerked boots on over bare feet and slung the thick leather gun belt around my cotton threaded drawers. From above the door, I took down a well-worn Winchester 1873 rifle and worked the lever, jacking a cartridge into the chamber. With weapon in hand, I felt the reassuring comfort that only ample amounts of firepower can give a man when he faces unknown things that go bump in the night.

Come on, man...who has a self-defense weapon sitting around without one already in the chamber. What are you, a screenwriter for TV cop dramas? :eek:
 
Welcome @Atla and thanks for joining up with us here. Glad to have you aboard and I'm sure that you will find quite a few on here that are willing to assist you with about anything.

Could I ask you to post a thread in the "Welcome" section below and let everyone know who you are so they can extend a proper welcome to you ? Posting there always seems to help everyone know we have new members on board so they can reach out to them.

https://www.carolinafirearmsforum.com/index.php?forums/welcome-come-on-in-and-introduce-yourself.33/

All the best sir,
Brangus
 
Maybe?

But then things like this:

“The explosion of splinters as the fractioned log burst apart did nothing to ease the hot anger that boiled up from within.”

Was fractioned the word he wanted? Or should it have been fractured? Maybe? It’s spelled correctly, which is when spell-checker makes it worse for people that depend on it too much.

Eye sea watt ewe mien.
 
@Atla I just checked your location. Asheville. I'm over in Forest City. Glad you decided to join up with these folks. Some of this ragtag bunch have been members of the various versions of the forum. The knowledge these people posses is just phenomenal. We love guns and may bicker and carry on but not a damn better group to be part of. Glad you're here. Now make the post in the New members thread.

Sent from my SM-J320V using Tapatalk
 
Now I need feedback. Honest, brutal, hurt-my-feelings feedback.
If you are interested, let me know and I'll send you a word document.
I'm your huckleberry!
If you like, send a Word document to [email protected] and I'll return a word-by-word mark-up. I can't promise you fast, but I can promise you cheap. Good, I'll leave for you to determine.
 
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I jerked boots on over bare feet and slung the thick leather gun belt around my cotton threaded drawers. From above the door, I took down a well-worn Winchester 1873 rifle and worked the lever, jacking a cartridge into the chamber. With weapon in hand, I felt the reassuring comfort that only ample amounts of firepower can give a man when he faces unknown things that go bump in the night.

Come on, man...who has a self-defense weapon sitting around without one already in the chamber. What are you, a screenwriter for TV cop dramas? :eek:

In the days without good safeties and trigger bars, it was common. I've still got a few older guns I wouldn't carry with a loaded chamber because they were not built with modern safety.

And I had a similar conversation with my vietnam vet dad when we were watching xfiles long ago. In his mind, people don't carry with a loaded chamber because your guy on point or senior will let you know when you need to make ready. In my mind, if you're caught by surprise with only a sidearm, you need to be ready already and I only carry guns that i can draw, point, shoot (hopefully in that order) without further fiddling.
There are lots of people who don't feel comfortable with loaded chambers, and even some of MY "around the house" guns are chambered and some aren't. The one I keep with me is chambered. The ones that get jostled around and moved from place to place aren't. etc.

A good writer that knows their subject will actually be able to take this into account and make it individual to the character. That gives them an extra paragraph or two to write on each character where their reason for their decision is explained.

I don't know that i'd trust an original 1873 to not go off on accident if it tipped over and hit the floor. I know i have a lot of toes, but i'm not keen on losing any of them.
 
Where's the quote button?
Yours may be in a different location...but the red section is how you quote. You just hit the Reply button.

Instead of the green where you type something and hit Post Reply.

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Second paragraph -Colon after prairie and change of order of the list. "Soldier’s bodies lay scattered for a half mile across open prairie: mangled, gnawed, crushed."

This should be before the sentence above.
"A dozen men. Armed with the finest weapons and equipment since the War Between the States. Trained and experienced in fighting Indians, rustlers, and outlaws."

Or something to the effect of

"A dozen dead men, ...." "Their bodies lay scattered...


This kind of pops out of no where, I thought they were dead soldiers?
"All I could find were a couple of dead apes and a single wounded triceratops."
 
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An update.

First. The Sequel is finished. (Yay!) If anyone would like to read it, let me know and I'll send it out. I've been told it's as good as the first one, if a bit shorter. (Dang word counts!)

Second. I just signed my publishing contract with Severed Press. (Also Yay!) I'm not sure of the timeline for when it goes to print, the editor and cover artist have to have their hay-day's with it first. But it's pretty sweet to see something I spent almost three years on coming to print.


Also a major thank you to everyone who helped me out with feedback. You guys rock. And to the guy who caught the Stoeger Shotgun mistake, thank you big time. You saved me a good bit of humiliation there. (Stoeger wasn't founded until 30ish years after the time frame the book was set in!)
 
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I jerked boots on over bare feet and slung the thick leather gun belt around my cotton threaded drawers. From above the door, I took down a well-worn Winchester 1873 rifle and worked the lever, jacking a cartridge into the chamber. With weapon in hand, I felt the reassuring comfort that only ample amounts of firepower can give a man when he faces unknown things that go bump in the night.

Come on, man...who has a self-defense weapon sitting around without one already in the chamber. What are you, a screenwriter for TV cop dramas? :eek:

Boy, did you open a can of worms!

Their, There and They're... :D
 
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I read parts 2 and 3. Will read the rest.

Enjoyed it so far. Need to set up a pay site as I'd gladly purchase what you have.

Thanks for reading! I'm glad you're enjoying it, that means I've succeeded as an author!

You're not the first person to suggest that, but I'd honestly prefer if you'd buy the book when it comes out and even more - leave a review after you've read it. That'd help me IMMENSELY with sales overall and getting the publisher to pick up the sequel. Which is really good, btw. (Not just because I say so, but because my Alpha Readers who've read it say so!)
 
Thanks for reading! I'm glad you're enjoying it, that means I've succeeded as an author!

You're not the first person to suggest that, but I'd honestly prefer if you'd buy the book when it comes out and even more - leave a review after you've read it. That'd help me IMMENSELY with sales overall and getting the publisher to pick up the sequel. Which is really good, btw. (Not just because I say so, but because my Alpha Readers who've read it say so!)

Well, get to work. I want to find out what happens.
 
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