Studentofthegun
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I've never posted a movie review in my life. But I'm under the weather right now and can't sleep.
The other night I watched this steaming pile of excrement. Here goes.
SPOILER ALERT
1. They are on a big colony ship. Thousands of lives depend upon a handful of crew doing their jobs. But instead of making them impartial and focused on the big picture, they decided to have the crew be several married couples. Not a great idea because people keep putting the well being of their spouses above the thousand plus colonists.
Want to bring your spouse? Cool. But the spouse stays on ice/hibernation while you DO YOUR DANG JOB.
2. Let's go to a planet we don't know anything about and then stroll around without an oxygen supply. Great idea! Unknown pathogens? Possibly. It's like a super creepy version of sunless, lifeless, Earth. No alarm bells here. Fork the helmets. Even the idgits on Prometheus brought a dadgum oxygen supply.
3. Apparently there was an ancient alien city within walking distance of the landing site. But apparently nobody knew about that. It all came as a surprise. Never mind flying around the area for a minute or two to recon the landing site. Who has time for those kinds of precautions?
4. In 2017 we have drones. In 2107 or whatever the heck year it is, they apparently don't have any. A drone could overfly the area first and record the landscape. They would have already known about the alien ship and city. Might have given them pause before galavanting around like a middle school field trip.
5. In 100 years we won't have better protective gear for security personnel? With all the enhancements out there, people are still going to be carrying around M4s? Seems in 100 years, and the enormous cost of a colony mission, something better than a cotton uniform would be available. You know....something that a juvenile alien couldn't rip through like a wet paper bag. Yeah I know. 1911s. Blah blah blah. But we're talking outer space here. No caseless ammo? No plasma rifles? Come on.
6. So you got this super badass android but he doesn't spring into action to defend you from an alien attack outside of letting the alien snack on his arm. Totally useful. They couldn't give him a shotgun? The Walter android should have been armed to the teeth and then flipped a switch. Something like "Engaging Jerry Miculek Mode!" and then laying waste to the small alien critters.
7. Despite the fact that this excursion would ostensibly cut years off their mission time, they could not wait a week or two for the storm to clear? Someone singing a John Denver song can probably wait a bit. It wasn't like the transmission said "Oh my GOD ITS GONNA EAT ME! HALPPP!!" Besides, remember those colonists they are responsible for? Why not take that time to look the entire planet over and make sure their aren't any unforeseen issues?
8. The "big storm" that made communication difficult was barely a sprinkle for most of the movie. It wasn't enough to ruin a leisurely hike to the alien spacecraft. Geosynchronous orbit. How does it work?
I guess after budgeting for all the special effects (and the no doubt staggering fee for the services of Kenny freakin' Powers) they didn't have enough left over to pay someone to write a decent plot.
Ridley Scott used to do better with a bucket of fake slime and Sigourney Weaver. But those days are long gone.
The other night I watched this steaming pile of excrement. Here goes.
SPOILER ALERT
1. They are on a big colony ship. Thousands of lives depend upon a handful of crew doing their jobs. But instead of making them impartial and focused on the big picture, they decided to have the crew be several married couples. Not a great idea because people keep putting the well being of their spouses above the thousand plus colonists.
Want to bring your spouse? Cool. But the spouse stays on ice/hibernation while you DO YOUR DANG JOB.
2. Let's go to a planet we don't know anything about and then stroll around without an oxygen supply. Great idea! Unknown pathogens? Possibly. It's like a super creepy version of sunless, lifeless, Earth. No alarm bells here. Fork the helmets. Even the idgits on Prometheus brought a dadgum oxygen supply.
3. Apparently there was an ancient alien city within walking distance of the landing site. But apparently nobody knew about that. It all came as a surprise. Never mind flying around the area for a minute or two to recon the landing site. Who has time for those kinds of precautions?
4. In 2017 we have drones. In 2107 or whatever the heck year it is, they apparently don't have any. A drone could overfly the area first and record the landscape. They would have already known about the alien ship and city. Might have given them pause before galavanting around like a middle school field trip.
5. In 100 years we won't have better protective gear for security personnel? With all the enhancements out there, people are still going to be carrying around M4s? Seems in 100 years, and the enormous cost of a colony mission, something better than a cotton uniform would be available. You know....something that a juvenile alien couldn't rip through like a wet paper bag. Yeah I know. 1911s. Blah blah blah. But we're talking outer space here. No caseless ammo? No plasma rifles? Come on.
6. So you got this super badass android but he doesn't spring into action to defend you from an alien attack outside of letting the alien snack on his arm. Totally useful. They couldn't give him a shotgun? The Walter android should have been armed to the teeth and then flipped a switch. Something like "Engaging Jerry Miculek Mode!" and then laying waste to the small alien critters.
7. Despite the fact that this excursion would ostensibly cut years off their mission time, they could not wait a week or two for the storm to clear? Someone singing a John Denver song can probably wait a bit. It wasn't like the transmission said "Oh my GOD ITS GONNA EAT ME! HALPPP!!" Besides, remember those colonists they are responsible for? Why not take that time to look the entire planet over and make sure their aren't any unforeseen issues?
8. The "big storm" that made communication difficult was barely a sprinkle for most of the movie. It wasn't enough to ruin a leisurely hike to the alien spacecraft. Geosynchronous orbit. How does it work?
I guess after budgeting for all the special effects (and the no doubt staggering fee for the services of Kenny freakin' Powers) they didn't have enough left over to pay someone to write a decent plot.
Ridley Scott used to do better with a bucket of fake slime and Sigourney Weaver. But those days are long gone.
