An intersting question. Should coworkers be like "family"??

[Lord of War]

My 2 best friends are coworkers. One I've worked with for 17 years ( 2 different jobs) and the other for 13 years. My friend of 17 years we worked side by side for 4 years and the other 13 in the same office but not side by side daily. My friend of 13 years same office for a few years but not side by side. They then moved to another office but same employer. Point is we consider each other brothers. If they call me at 3am and need me I'll be there. Doesn't matter what it is. Id put my life on the line for either one of them. They've always been there for me whenever needed. That's true brotherhood in my book.
My question is....if you haven't made friends at work, where do you make them/meet them? I say this because a majority of our lives we spend in the workplace. I have had several coworkers over the years want to "hang out" after work but unfortunately haven't taken most of them up on it because a lot of my time was spent with my other 2 friends and my wife and our dogs. I just feel like there was no room left or anything more needed as I was perfectly happy. I do feel horrible as it may make these people feel bad but there's only so much time. I may have missed out on some great relationships and fun times also.
I don't have any kids thus I think I've had more time to cultivate the above mentioned relationships so maybe that has a lot to do with it. Regardless, I made these friends at work and my wife was always fine with me spending time with them. I also have taken trips with them on many occasions. I take from the comments above that most people don't have strong relationships with coworkers. Is this because of your current family situations that you really just don't have time and room in your life or is it something else? Just curious for those that have read this far...

 

[fishgutzy]

My question is....if you haven't made friends at work, where do you make them/meet them?

We are all different. Maybe due to things in my childhood I tend to stay closed off from most people. Not anti-social. Just a strong tendency to Introvert. Even growing up, if the whole family was watching TV I was on the floor under the coffee table trying not to be seen (very few positive interactions with the adult in the room). Invisibility was survival. Trying not be noticed became standard through high school.
Funny thing is, when I was in college, I worked as a host at a restaurant in Boston. When I told the manager I was actually an introvert, she laughed out loud. I got pretty good at pretending not to be introverted. But I don't like crowds. I don't like hanging out with a bunch of coworkers. But I recently found that I like spending time with one colleague in China outside work. But I am generally fairly solitary outside my family. Heck, when we were all in the beach house for a week on OBX (14 people in a big house), I had to go find some solitary decompression time at the pier even though I wasn't catching anything.
I almost gave in to the introvert on a critical night in October of 1989. I almost didn't go to the dance where I met the women who is now my wife. But I had borrowed an outfit from my step father. So I went.

 

[fishgutzy]

So, it seems my efforts to not get close to colleagues is not 100% effective when isolated away from the family for months at a time. Still, only one colleague has been let through. She has become my archery partner, Jade.
Spent 4 years isolating myself and being borderline miserable, outside of swimming.
But making the decision to no longer isolate has also left me open to actually caring about the few I choose to let in. It has led to smiling more. And being open to meeting other people too. The reality checks here also help keep my head on straight.
I had concern that if I actually cared about anyone here that I would look forward to a trip to China. I'd still rather be home than here. But since I must be here for work, for now, I can't wallow in misery and self isolation.
So I broke my decades long pattern and actually care about one colleague. And now a non-work friend here too.
The fun part about the connection with Jade is that the office gossip mill can't figure us out. Ha! Too bad. Nothing is going on. But the gossip mill never cares.