goodnight to mother-in-law

BudE

Hillsborough, NC
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We were dressed, and ready to go out for the New Year's Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.

As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house. Because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.'

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!'

The cab driver hit a parked car.
 
When is the last time anybody here "turned the answering machine on?" :D
Well hell, my dad has one to screen telemarketers and such. I got him a separate one because he can't use the one built into the DECT phone system. My sister messed up the memo, and so I re-recorded it, listened to all his messages, and reset stuff...at one point I had it off. So I turned it back on.

So, tonight :D
 
Back in the 90s I had one. A coworker old call up, get the recording and leave messages like: “hey, I know you’re there. Pick up the phone. What are you doing? Spanking the monkey?”
 
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