DrScaryGuy
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2A Bourbon Hound 2024
2A Bourbon Hound OG
Supporting Member
Multi-Factor Enabled
So, as you may know... I don't eat meat. My wife keeps thinking I need some kind of meat replacement or else I'll die or something. As if the 20 years I didn't eat meat before I met her, when I lived healther, was more fit, etc just don't count. She has gluten issues, so a vegan gluten free patty should be good for both of us, right?
Well, my wife bought some of these -hopefully on sale- for us to try. I don't complain about food much, but I'm kind of gonna today. Normally wifey will ask yes/no on if I would eat them again if she should bought them again, and I'll just say something like "it's food". It's pretty much always "it's food, so I guess get it when it's on sale" - even if I don't like them. It's food, I'll eat it when I'm hungry enough. Well these ones got a "do not buy those again" without delay.
My wife being the clever monster she is, she made ONE patty and gave it to me before she decided if she was going to try it (this is routine... even food she makes for herself usually goes to me for taste test first). From seeing the look on my face after the first bite, she knew she wouldn't be eating these... I want to say the patty was bad, but it wasn't "bad". It was negative. By that, I mean that I put the patty on a bun with a slice of cheese, took a bite, and couldn't taste the patty, the cheese, or the bun. It just sucked in flavors and held them inside. If I didn't feel the physical presence of food in my mouth, I wouldn't know there was food in there.
I'm no stranger to flavorless non-meat patties (thus the immediate adding of cheese), so I took the usual approach - A1 sauce. Except I slathered the crap out of it with a ridiculous amount. Normally that much A1 would have a tart saltiness that would pucker my face. However, as previously mentioned, this negative patty was like a black hole for flavor, sucking in everything via its accretion disk, with only a little bit of transformed matter escaping from the poles. Even with the excess of A1, it didn't have much noticeable taste at all.
At that point, I thought - why would they even make a faux turkey patty? Turkey burgers were meant for people who aren't suppsed to be eating red meat. A regular fake burger patty is already not red meat, so this is like doubly fake.
I thought to myself - well maybe it's just a healthy meatless alternative to alternative meat. So I looked up the nutritional information
Well that doesn't seem exceptionally health conscious... how are real turkey burgers in comparison?
Well what in the clown shoes wearing opposate day in upside down world nonsense is thiis?
So the healthy plant based alternative to a beef alternative actually has less protein, more fat, and more calories than the turkey alternative.
And negative levels of flavor.
In good conscience, I cannot recommend these patties. There are better alternatives made of real meat. There are better alternatives made of not-meat. And just putting cheese on bread is also a better alternative.
I wanted to put this thread in tortuga so I could more accurately say what I think of these patties. As a community service, I decided to keep this thread public as a warning to others.
Well, my wife bought some of these -hopefully on sale- for us to try. I don't complain about food much, but I'm kind of gonna today. Normally wifey will ask yes/no on if I would eat them again if she should bought them again, and I'll just say something like "it's food". It's pretty much always "it's food, so I guess get it when it's on sale" - even if I don't like them. It's food, I'll eat it when I'm hungry enough. Well these ones got a "do not buy those again" without delay.
My wife being the clever monster she is, she made ONE patty and gave it to me before she decided if she was going to try it (this is routine... even food she makes for herself usually goes to me for taste test first). From seeing the look on my face after the first bite, she knew she wouldn't be eating these... I want to say the patty was bad, but it wasn't "bad". It was negative. By that, I mean that I put the patty on a bun with a slice of cheese, took a bite, and couldn't taste the patty, the cheese, or the bun. It just sucked in flavors and held them inside. If I didn't feel the physical presence of food in my mouth, I wouldn't know there was food in there.
I'm no stranger to flavorless non-meat patties (thus the immediate adding of cheese), so I took the usual approach - A1 sauce. Except I slathered the crap out of it with a ridiculous amount. Normally that much A1 would have a tart saltiness that would pucker my face. However, as previously mentioned, this negative patty was like a black hole for flavor, sucking in everything via its accretion disk, with only a little bit of transformed matter escaping from the poles. Even with the excess of A1, it didn't have much noticeable taste at all.
At that point, I thought - why would they even make a faux turkey patty? Turkey burgers were meant for people who aren't suppsed to be eating red meat. A regular fake burger patty is already not red meat, so this is like doubly fake.
I thought to myself - well maybe it's just a healthy meatless alternative to alternative meat. So I looked up the nutritional information
Well that doesn't seem exceptionally health conscious... how are real turkey burgers in comparison?
Well what in the clown shoes wearing opposate day in upside down world nonsense is thiis?
So the healthy plant based alternative to a beef alternative actually has less protein, more fat, and more calories than the turkey alternative.
And negative levels of flavor.
In good conscience, I cannot recommend these patties. There are better alternatives made of real meat. There are better alternatives made of not-meat. And just putting cheese on bread is also a better alternative.
I wanted to put this thread in tortuga so I could more accurately say what I think of these patties. As a community service, I decided to keep this thread public as a warning to others.
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