If I owned a breakfast diner...

Tim

Tim

Checked Out
Staff member
2A Bourbon Hound 2024
2A Bourbon Hound OG
Charter Life Member
Benefactor
Vendor
Multi-Factor Enabled
Joined
Dec 17, 2016
Messages
16,465
Location
A Glass Cage of Emotion
Rating - 100%
85   0   0
...I would make up a 2-sided message board for each table.

Side A would say:

JUST TAKE MY ORDER AND DROP THE CHECK
I'LL LET YOU KNOW IF I NEED ANYTHING ELSE
Click to expand...

That would indicate to the overly chatty and chipper waitstaff that I want to be left the $#@)@#%$) alone to drink my coffee, eat my omelette, wake up and read my book. If it's before noon, unless you're my wife or kid, I really don't give a rat's ass about the weather, how you're doing, the last movie you saw or the state of your finances.

  • Don't interrupt me 10 times asking if everything is OK. They're eggs, it'll be ok.
  • Don't ask me if I like my book. If I didn't like it, I wouldn't be reading it.
  • You don't need to tell me that it's the check you just dropped off and that I can pay when I'm ready. I don't need a 5-paragraph ops order to pay the bill.


Side B would say:
????
Click to expand...

I have no earthly idea what 'Side B' of this placard would say because who the heck would want it any other way!?


Signed...
Not a morning person. Leave me alone.












And, get off my lawn.
 
Last edited:
Tim said:
Side B would say:


I have no earthly idea what 'Side B' of this placard would say because who the heck would want it any other way!?


Signed...
Not a morning person. Leave me alone.












And, get off my lawn.
Click to expand...

Side "B" should say, see side "A".....

I agree, sometimes the waitstaff can be a little overbearing and bothersome but their trying to make a living so I cut them a little slack. If they can't take the "hint" them I can drop the bomb and say that if/when I need something I'll get their attention....
 
Tim said:
...I would make up a 2-sided message board for each table.

Side A would say:



That would indicate to the overly chatty and chipper waitstaff that I want to be left the $#@)@#%$) alone to drink my coffee, eat my omelette, wake up and read my book. If it's before noon, unless you're my wife or kid, I really don't give a rat's ass about the weather, how you're doing, the last movie you saw or the state of your finances.

  • Don't interrupt me 10 times asking if everything is OK. They're eggs, it'll be ok.
  • Don't ask me if I like my book. If I didn't like it, I wouldn't be reading it.
  • You don't need to tell me that it's the check you just dropped off and that I can pay when I'm ready. I don't need a 5-paragraph ops order to pay the bill.


Side B would say:


I have no earthly idea what 'Side B' of this placard would say because who the heck would want it any other way!?


Signed...
Not a morning person. Leave me alone.












And, get off my lawn.
Click to expand...
Bailey Boat said:
Side "B" should say, see side "A".....

I agree, sometimes the waitstaff can be a little overbearing and bothersome but their trying to make a living so I cut them a little slack. If they can't take the "hint" them I can drop the bomb and say that if/when I need something I'll get their attention....
Click to expand...
I approve of both of these.
 
Ok, I'm not done.

  • I bring my own coffee. 'Cause your's is worse than the drippings from a crack whore's backside. I don't care if you need to charge me a fee. just don't EVER top off my cup with your swill. There will be consequences.

  • If I lay my debit card on the table, that means I'm ready to pay. If you haven't brought the check, that's OK. Just take the card and ring me up. You don't need to see the card, comment on the card, leave, get the check, drop the check, explain the check, tell me there's no hurry, leave again, ask if I need anything else, attempt (again) to poison my coffee, then finally take the card, ring me up, drop the card and ask me if I'm finished. I was finished 20 minutes ago.
 
I waited tables for many years as a side gig at times, and at times to pay the bills back in the day. So what gets me is when waiters ask me "Do you want a refill?" The default answer is "Yes". We never asked, and we never let peoples glasses get below 1/3rd full. >Especially< irritating when asked before the food has even arrived! Waiting tables was not hard:

1. Fill glasses
2. Don't screw up the order
3. Bring food
4. Don't be annoying
5. You aren't as cute as you think you are

Those were the standard rules, and they worked.
 
I see you guys haven't had your coffee yet. o_O


And if you cup goes empty, why the hell isn't the waitress paying attention??
 
Last edited:
Tim said:
Ok, I'm not done.

  • I bring my own coffee. 'Cause your's is worse than the drippings from a crack whore's backside. I don't care if you need to charge me a fee. just don't EVER top off my cup with your swill. There will be consequences.

  • If I lay my debit card on the table, that means I'm ready to pay. If you haven't brought the check, that's OK. Just take the card and ring me up. You don't need to see the card, comment on the card, leave, get the check, drop the check, explain the check, tell me there's no hurry, leave again, ask if I need anything else, attempt (again) to poison my coffee, then finally take the card, ring me up, drop the card and ask me if I'm finished. I was finished 20 minutes ago.
Click to expand...
Dayum. Sounds like they are trying to take damn fine care of ya. Around here, you'll die of thirst before you see you watress after the food drop off.


05FD061E-BEF1-49C0-B549-5368B89965E8.jpeg
 
I have 2 spots I go to...one place gets it. They say, "Good morning, Tim. The usual?" And I don't hear from them again until, "See ya next time". I love that place. This is my go-to spot if schedule allows.

The other place is just 2 doors down from my office, so it's convenient. But, they just don't get me. They know me, they know I tip well, they know my order. But, I can't get through a breakfast there without a dozen interruptions just 'checking in'.

OK...I'm on cup #3 now. Back to my usual level-headed and convivial self.
 
I can't believe no one has said it yet-

Side B should say "Taxation is theft; change my mind."

That indicates you're not opposed to conversation.

Sent from notthedroidyourelookingfor
 
I needed this thread this morning. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

What's great is you could have taken BB's post, and totally reversed it with Tim's post....and none would have been the wiser. The earths off its Axis.
 
Bailey Boat said:
Side "B" should say, see side "A".....

I agree, sometimes the waitstaff can be a little overbearing and bothersome but their trying to make a living so I cut them a little slack. If they can't take the "hint" them I can drop the bomb and say that if/when I need something I'll get their attention....
Click to expand...


How you gonna do that when the wait staff has clearly learned the fine art of walking from one end of the place to the other without making eye contact with a single soul in the place. As witnessed by me on numerous occasions when my tea glass was empty.
 
B00ger said:
I waited tables for many years as a side gig at times, and at times to pay the bills back in the day. So what gets me is when waiters ask me "Do you want a refill?" The default answer is "Yes". We never asked, and we never let peoples glasses get below 1/3rd full. >Especially< irritating when asked before the food has even arrived! Waiting tables was not hard:

1. Fill glasses
2. Don't screw up the order
3. Bring food
4. Don't be annoying
5. You aren't as cute as you think you are

Those were the standard rules, and they worked.
Click to expand...
Waiting tables was a nightmare for me. I don't know how people do it! I lasted a week. It was horrible, and I was very bad at it. Once I got back in the kitchen, I was fine, but out front? No thanks!
 
chiefjason said:
3rd cup?
Of your own coffee?
In a restaurant?
You bring your own carafe?

Snob.
Click to expand...

Yes. I am a coffee snob. I make no apologies.

Make it at home or at the office. At the restaurant I have one of the small Yeti tumbler size deals. One place charges me $0.50 for an "outside beverage".
 
Instead of leaving them to their own devices, maybe an introduction is in order.

"Good morning. I'll be your customer today. Would you like an easy experience and nice tip at the end? Bring me the food I order, vanish, and when you see I'm done, leave the check and have a great remainder of the shift."
 
Side "A" of sign...
"How to entertain an idiot for hours turn sign over. "
Side "B" of sign...
"How to entertain an idiot for hours turn sign over. "
 
B00ger said:
I waited tables for many years as a side gig at times, and at times to pay the bills back in the day. So what gets me is when waiters ask me "Do you want a refill?" The default answer is "Yes". We never asked, and we never let peoples glasses get below 1/3rd full. >Especially< irritating when asked before the food has even arrived! Waiting tables was not hard:

1. Fill glasses
2. Don't screw up the order
3. Bring food
4. Don't be annoying
5. You aren't as cute as you think you are

Those were the standard rules, and they worked.
Click to expand...
Well, it is a little annoying when you've gotten your tea just right and they come and refill it before you get to enjoy it. It's never the same. :rolleyes:

And I'm sorry someone burst your bubble about being cute. I'm sure it was crushing.
:D
 
Coltdefender1911 said:
Side "A" of sign...
"How to entertain an idiot for hours turn sign over. "
Side "B" of sign...
"How to entertain an idiot for hours turn sign over. "
Click to expand...
But, then he would just sit there playing with the sign and annoy the wait staff. :D

"He never orders. He just sits there and plays with the sign until he realizes he's late for work."
 
Last edited:
Lol this was a great read on my lunch break. Just the mental break I needed.

I can relate though. I don’t care to talk to random strangers, be it waiters, on an airplane, or in the line at Harris Teeter.

Keep my glass full, get my very plain order right, check on me once after food is dropped, bring check, come back quickly for card, BAM you just earned yourself 20%+.

That said, I could never be a server. I refuse to cater to every single person’s oddities and weird expectations just for a $5 tip. High end restaurants where you’re getting $50+/table, different story.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Tim
Y’all don’t get me wrong....

I’m a fairly decent human being that can be down right social. Service industry folks work way harder than I do and get paid squat.

I just can’t be expected to acknowledge my privilege before 10am.
 
  • Like
Reactions: JT
NCLivingBrit said:
If you wear headphones they quit talking to you after the first time and you get to listen to your own music while you eat and read.
Click to expand...


That there is an excellent idea.
 
kcult said:
Instead of leaving them to their own devices, maybe an introduction is in order.

"Good morning. I'll be your customer today. Would you like an easy experience and nice tip at the end? Bring me the food I order, vanish, and when you see I'm done, leave the check and have a great remainder of the shift."
Click to expand...
You're going to make a great curmudgeon one of these days.
 
Just introduce them to Harvey and laugh at Harvey's jokes. :D

images
 
Last edited:
B00ger said:
I waited tables for many years as a side gig at times, and at times to pay the bills back in the day. So what gets me is when waiters ask me "Do you want a refill?" The default answer is "Yes". We never asked, and we never let peoples glasses get below 1/3rd full. >Especially< irritating when asked before the food has even arrived! Waiting tables was not hard:

1. Fill glasses
2. Don't screw up the order
3. Bring food
4. Don't be annoying
5. You aren't as cute as you think you are

Those were the standard rules, and they worked.
Click to expand...
In my experience, 4 and 5 are long gone, and 1, 2, and 3 often seem on the way out.
 
georgel said:
Well, it is a little annoying when you've gotten your tea just right and they come and refill it before you get to enjoy it. It's never the same. :rolleyes:

And I'm sorry someone burst your bubble about being cute. I'm sure it was crushing.
:D
Click to expand...

It may be annoying to the tea drinkers, but its really a case of "take your chances with the odds" and also trusting people to be able to say "No, thank you, my drink is fine." Its really not that big a deal, I know, but its one of my pet peeves to be sitting at a restaurant and my drink run dry. It is one of the simplest things that a waiter can do to improve customer experience. Also, if someone has something to drink, then they don't notice that their food has taken a bit extra time if things get really busy in the kitchen, but thirsty patrons make impatient ones.

And I was cute once, or at least my mom told me I was...
 
Catfish said:
... It would be called "Curmudgeon's" and you'd only serve black coffee and ashtrays.
Click to expand...
There is a place on the OBX called "Eat and Get the Hell Out."

As with Tim, some of us don't want any human interaction until we are fed, watered, and awake. Now leave me alone.[emoji41]

Sent from my SM-J320V using Tapatalk
 
  • Like
Reactions: Tim
Bailey Boat said:
Side "B" should say, see side "A".....

I agree, sometimes the waitstaff can be a little overbearing and bothersome but their trying to make a living so I cut them a little slack. If they can't take the "hint" them I can drop the bomb and say that if/when I need something I'll get their attention....
Click to expand...

Side B: I want to speak to the manager.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom