Is it ok to cry? ***UPDATED Oct 7***

Mitch Rapp

Mitch Rapp

Bah, humbug. Shut up and look out the window.
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Feeling a bit emotional right now, so bear with me, please...
Years ago, my mom and dad divorced and after some time, my mother remarried.
She married a man who most of us would classify as 'salt of the earth'. A farming man, truck driver, cow and horse trader, he ran one of the local cotton gins too. A man who believed in the finality of his word and a handshake. A man who worked very hard, all his life, to give and provide for his family...both blood and adopted. A man whose opinion and counsel I gave great consideration to throughout my life. A man who tried his level best to live his life and treat others as our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, told him to. A man I love and respect very much.
Back this past summer, both my step dad's and my mothers health started to decline a bit. She was beginning to have more and more trouble caring for him. So, in August, a couple buddies and I closed in the garage, made a pretty comfortable living space, and moved my mother and step father in there while my wife, kids, and I took over the rest of the house.
Since about Thanksgiving, my step dads health has severely declined. He no longer drives to breakfast in the mornings, he can no longer walk to the mailbox. He needs help going to the bathroom, he needs help bathing. Some days, he feels good enough to sit up and get out of bed. Other days not so much. Some days he can walk with a walker, other days he needs a wheelchair. I cannot count the number of times he has fallen in the last two months. It has been a difficult time for everyone in this household.
I absolutely hate to say this out loud, but he is dying. It is a hard truth that we must face. And it is tearing me apart having to watch it happen. I have found some solace in the Scriptures, but my heart is still heavy and hurting. So, as I sit here with tears in my eyes, if you are the praying type, pray for my family to have the strength to do the things that will be required of us in a future that I am afraid is fast approaching.
Pray for my step dad to have a painless transition, to find peace and comfort in the presence of our Lord, God Almighty, whenever Our Father decides it is time to call him home.
But most importantly, pick up the phone and give a loved one a call. Stop by out of the blue to say hi and sit a spell. Let someone know, through your actions, that they are loved. Our time is limited, cherish every moment.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me.
My fathers house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?"
John 14:1-2
 
Hell yes its ok to cry.

Let it out brother.
I lost my grandfather just over a month ago and I still get choked up at times. Amazing man, I'll miss him forever.

Spend time with your loved ones, our time here is limited.

My thoughts go out to you Draco, and your family.
 
Real men do cry. Reading your post brings a tear to my eye. Much less if it was my family. Just from that post it looks like you were raised to be a true man. Good on them for raising you right. Good on you for remaining true to your upbringing. Doing the right thing.

im not outwardly religious but you and yours are in my prayers and I'm also going to be asking for the strength to be as true as you in my own life
 
I'll put you and your family in my prayers and I appreciate seeing all of the positive influences that others have made in your life show up in your post draco88. That is a very inspiring post and speaks volumes in reminding us all which things are important in life.

Please know that I sincerely appreciate you posting this and allowing us to reach out and stand close to you and your family during these difficult times. It's people like you draco88 that makes this community of like-minded members stick as closely together as we have during the years. Don't hesitate to shoot me a pm or contact me if there's anything I can do for you or your family.

As far as the crying thing, I'm serious when I tell you that I know first hand what you're going through and am not too proud for others to know that I'll cry with you just knowing that some trying times are ahead.

We're all here for you my friend.
 
Today was a tough day...my son had a basketball game and I took him, his sister, and my wife out for lunch after. We got home to a bloody kitchen floor and my step dad covered up laying there on a pillow. Robert had fallen, scraped his arm pretty good on the counter, and my mom couldnt get him up. He had been there about an hour or so.
We cleaned and dressed his arm, got him up and to his bed.
I had been in a bit of denial, but the reality and emotions of our situation hit me full force today.
 
You certainly did the right thing by starting this thread. It helps to get things off your chest and to let it out. We'll keep you and your family in our thoughts and prayers.
 
Yes it is ok to shed tears.

It is tough watching loved ones become frail and unable to care for themselves. I will soon be watching my parents do the same things.
 
My paps been dead for 10 years and ill still shead a tear because of it to this day. I loved him and he was a real life legend. Now my grandmaw is slowly dieing because of cancer. Shes 90 and really one of the best people to walk the earth. Never has she said a mean word to anyone. I cried leaving her house the other night.
 
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Prayers sent. Let them know how much you appreciate & love them..... it will mean the world to them.
 
I agree with Sandman here. Take every opportunity to let them both know with assurance they're loved and appreciated as this will mean much more in their final days.

It's also extremely humbling to see that your family is willing to take on the vital role of caretakers during these difficult times. Trust me when I say this...........people watch and can learn from your faithfulness in providing a decent level of respectful care to others and can be inspired to do the same when necessary later. You're really doing and going through all of this for the right reasons. It's what real men do when their loyalty is tested.
 
Draco, I know this road you are walking, as do others in this thread and on this forum. It is a hard one. I walked it with my dad, and then with my father-in-law, both equally good men. I had the privilege, horrible as it was at the time, to be with them when they drew their last breaths.

When it gets closer to the end you will wonder how on earth you will get through it, and yet you will. And for the rest of your life you will be able to stare at yourself in the mirror and know that you did everything you possibly could, even if there were mistakes along the way, and stand by them until the angels carried him home.
 
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Sandman_NC;66341 said:
Prayers sent. Let them know how much you appreciate & love them..... it will mean the world to them.
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Brangus;66344 said:
I agree with Sandman here. Take every opportunity to let them both know with assurance they're loved and appreciated as this will mean much more in their final days.

It's also extremely humbling to see that your family is willing to take on the vital role of caretakers during these difficult times. Trust me when I say this...........people watch and can learn from your faithfulness in providing a decent level of respectful care to others and can be inspired to do the same when necessary later. You're really doing and going through all of this for the right reasons. It's what real men do when their loyalty is tested.
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I try to. I make it a point to go sit with him and talk to him for at least an hour every day. He doesn't have the strength for much more than that sometimes.
Sometimes we talk politics and sometimes we talk faith, whenever his mind is focused enough. But I think what he likes most is when I pull up Don joke threads and give him something to smile and laugh about...sometimes good and clean, sometimes a little saucy lol. It's a highlight of our day. I'm not sure Mr. Don knows just what he's indirectly meant to Robert, a man he's never met.
As far as the family stepping up, I couldn't have asked or wished for a better wife. I didn't mention it in my Anniversary thread a few days ago (this particular week has been full of some extreme highs and lows) because that was a moment for happiness and positivity, but she has absolutely been my rock. She is an EMT-I, albeit lapsed, and has selflessly put herself in charge. It tears her up, too, but she has held us all together so far. I'm truly blessed to have her.
 
Thoughts and prayers coming for you. End of life transition for a loved one is not an easy thing. But, your strength will get you through it.
 
draco88;n66361 said:
But I think what he likes most is when I pull up Don joke threads and give him something to smile and laugh about...sometimes good and clean, sometimes a little saucy lol. It's a highlight of our day. I'm not sure Mr. Don knows just what he's indirectly meant to Robert, a man he's never met.
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I didn't. I do now. And I've got some serious dust in my eyes right now...

You, sir, have made my day! I post those jokes in the hope that I can make someone laugh and maybe make their day a little better. Thanks for affirming that I've hit the mark a time or two.
 
It's a hard thing to watch a loved one wither. It's even harder IMO to watch a strong man grow weak in his sunset.

Always try to remember him as he was and not as he is now that the wheel of time is in its final final revolution.

And if you can afford it hire an in home nurse to assist in their care during the day. It will help your burden a great deal.

And remener the only guarantee in life is death. The trick is to pass on either your genes or your knowledge to the next generation before you pass. While he didn't pass on his genes to you he passed on his knowledge and that's the more important of the 2 IMO.

When the time comes let them know they're loved. Let them know that that y'all will be Ok because they did a good job. And let them know it's ok to let go.

Real men cry over real things. This is real.
 
See there Don. I told you years ago that your jokes and threads were a hit with many people. Now you should really feel the pressure to keep on keeping on.
 
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Chdamn;n66374 said:
1. When the time comes let them know they're loved. Let them know that y'all will be Ok because they did a good job. And let them know it's ok to let go.

2. Real men cry over real things. This is real.
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Thanks Chad............Sig lines in there my friend. I just broke down two of your comments as they are sig-line worthy for someone to use.
 
Chdamn;66374 said:
And if you can afford it hire an in home nurse to assist in their care during the day. It will help your burden a great deal.
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We actually received word from the insurance people yesterday that we've been approved for in home care and the home health service reached out to schedule. Starting Monday, we'll have a provider two days a week for a few hours to show, teach, and help us. Insurance will reevaluate after thirty days and we may get full time help then.
Ironically enough, the provider is a girl I went to high school with and was one of my mother's students there. I have not seen or spoken to her since then, until yesterday on the phone. She said when she saw the name on the forms, she requested the assignment.
Kinda choked me up a bit...
 
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I'd be worried about you if you didn't cry. I know I'm starting!

This situation is one of the honorable duties of Love. It is also a heavy burden, but, when seen in the context of fulfilling your duty to this man you loved--and who obviously loved you-- becomes bearable. It is an honor to serve him in his time of need.

I'm glad to hear you've qualified for some assistance, and that a reunion with someone from your youth is coming. A reminder of how the end of one cycle often overlaps the beginning of a new one, the glad echoes of your precious time on earth.

You're in my prayers. Peace be with you and yours.
 
I hope everyone who has posted here see this particular entry:
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for the prayers and support. But most of all, thank you guys for allowing me to talk it out with yall. That has been the greatest gift given to me and has helped me feel much better.
Just a few minutes ago, Robert called out to me for some help going to the bathroom. About halfway there, he looks over at me, laughs, and says, "Never mind, lets make a U-turn. I'm gonna need you to help me change this damn diaper instead."
"You carrying a load of HazMat now?" I laugh back at him.
He replies, "Don't tell the DOT! We're gonna skip the chicken coop on the way back!"
Once a truck driver, always a truck driver lol.
 
As Chdamn mentioned, real men have feelings, Draco, and sometimes they just need to be let out. Absolutely nothing wrong or unmanly about that. We're here for you, because when one of our online family hurts, we all hurt. We'll keep you, your step-father, and your family in our thoughts and prayers.
 
peace and prayers for you family and 2 thumbs up to you for rising to the task.
All he has been to you has made you the perfect person for the job.
 
I'm not as well spoken as many here, but I love you as a brother in Christ.
And I do understand what you and your wife are going through.
You will be in my prayers for guidance through this journey.
 
Emotions are yours and you do what you feel ... bottling crap up rips up other things.

My father died a few years back with Alzheimer's and of all other things ALS. My mother kept him at home as long as she could. The time came when I had to put double key deadbolt locks on so she could keep him close. Then came the not remembering people. Lastly he couldn't comprehend how to walk with a walker and began falling because of the ALS. We went and found the best place that could help him with his limitations but no place was truly good enough in our eyes. Honestly looking back that was not true ... it was more our emotions and guilt.

Looking back the best thing is not always clear and yes we shed tears but know in your heart all you can do is what you think is best and make the best of each day. Tears are really a relief of your emotions so let it out.
 
draco88;n66304 said:
Sorry for the long windedness...this post is as much about getting things off my chest as it is a prayer request.
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No apologies needed. Do what you need to do. Most of the value of this community is the ability to vent and gain strength and wisdom from the people here. And your advice to us is a great reminder. Thank you and good luck with your family. All you can do is your best. I am sure you will take csre of people the best you can.
 
Crying.

If a man can not feel emotion over his family then there is something wrong. There are a few things in life that can bring that type of emotion out in me.

God and my family.

Hang in there brother.
 
The wife and I have been out for our anniversary dinner (with our phones turned off lol) and just got home. For all the folks extending their support in the last three hours or so....thank you.
We were able to take our minds off of reality for just a little while, enjoy each others company, and recharge the batteries a bit.
Today has been an emotional roller coaster, but through a combination of her, the Scripture, and you miscreants, I have made it through another day.
 
Sir.. I don't know you, or anyone else here really.. But I know a little about living and dying as well. I've sen lots of death, but the hardest was two old gray haired men I knew, both fathers-in-law.I can't tell you that it'll get easier for you, because it won't. What can tell you is that you're doing what you need to do and sometimes thats al lwe get. Dying is a process (most times) that we're all on. My cardiologist told me "you're on the road" in 2007 and I seem to get closer in spurts. Thing is I started the process in 1972, so he don't know sh!t.. hahahaha... Now it's a gut problem and the GI center at Vanderbilt is trying to help, but it's ok. Sometimes I don't get out of bed for a few days either, but that's ok too. My last bad fall knocked me out and broke my shoulder, but the worst part was laying on the bathroom floor naked, knocked out and crapping myself.. hahaha.. Sandy couldn't get me up either, so she had to wait until I regained consciousness to help. There are still good times to be had, friends come by for dinner, I build a new AR for someone or I shoot six-guns in the back yard. I still have guns to build and actions to polish.. I won't always be able to do that, but for now it's good fun. My first grandchild will be born soon and I need to stay around for him as long as Gods willing. You're gonna be alright and the father-in-law as well, it's just something he and you have to do.. a process if you will. Everything counts in large amounts.. and it's aint easy, but we'll all go down that road.. you're gonna be fine.. Ron
 
A couple of members have reached out to me via PM last night and this morning, and I am thankful. I'll tell yall a portion of what I told them.
We don't go to Church anymore because he doesn't have the stamina to handle sitting through service and the chaos afterwards. But, this morning, he felt particularly good so we went to breakfast.
We rolled up to our local greasy spoon, and it looked like the 'NORM!' scene from Cheers. It was humbling. I got to see genuine smiles from all the old codgers, including Robert. The owners doted over him and generally made him feel welcome. He had a great morning with his friends, exhausted himself, and is currently resting comfortably.

Yesterday, I was weak. I had nothing left in my gas tank and too much clutter in my head. I said it many posts back, but the real gift of this was being able to talk it out. I knew that to be true yesterday, but today I realize exactly how true that is.
I feel like a new man this morning. My head is right, my heart is right, and I feel prepared to meet the upcoming challenges.
 
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I am sorry, it is hard to watch those we care about go through the sunset of life. Blood doesn't make family, caring about someone does. I will keep him in my thoughts. I am sorry.
 
I hate this is late but crying is one best things you can do. My father broke his back in a horse riding accident allmost two years ago and while things are better now it is still tough on him and complications will likely kill him. Having to be a care taker at times for the proudest most self sufficent man I have ever known is the hardest thing I have ever faced. I realize things are ten times harder for my father but seeing him hurt and not being able to do anything to fix it caused me to be full of anger. It wasn't until I broke down and cried that some of the anger went away which allowed me to truly be there for him. I apologize if this comes across as a hijack but I have a good idea of what you are going through. Please PM me if you need to rant etc. Also make sure to make time for yourself/wife if you can as it can take a huge personal toll.
 
nchunt101 Not a hijack at all...folks like you, who have seen and done these things, have an insight noone in my immediate circle can provide. And the shared experiences have made it much easier for me.
You sharing your story is one of the reasons I made this thread.
May God bless you with the strength you need, as well.
 
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