PSA....

SPM

Wobomagonda
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So I don't know that it's gun related, but I don't know that it's not either - and from the statistics on these things, odds are, it is.

Yesterday morning, a childhood friend of mine committed suicide. He left behind a wife, two kids, and not a single word or explanation as to why he did it. His teenage daughter is absolutely distraught, his wife in shock, and his other child too young to grasp what's going on.

Not a single sign - seemed happy, just got back from a couple weeks of vacation in Aruba, coming up on his 10 year anniversary. Had plans of renewing vows, and a handful of us were planning a backpacking trip to Mount Rogers in Virginia this spring as a tribute to our former Scoutmaster, who passed away 5 years ago.

He appeared to be the epitome of happiness and contentedness.

I didn't hang out with him regularly, nor did we see eye to eye on a lot. But whatever had him agrieved so severely that he felt checking out was the only answer - it didn't end or go away, it's now a burden born by his family and friends.

If you get to that point in life, reach out - tell someone you don't know what to do, or how to fix whatever it may be. I can't guarantee anyone here has the answers to make things right, but I promise you folks here have the answers to keep from making a tough situation unbearable for those you love and for those who love you.
 
Damn, that sucks. Sorry. Probably had some overwhelming skeletons in the closet. Or coming doom. As I get older I have less and less confidantes so this becomes more believable. Everybody needs people to talk to and vent at times.
 
Your last paragraph is spot on, @SPM. No one is truly alone in this world, so it is profoundly sad that some can't help but feel that way.

Depression is real, but it's not without its remedies.

I'm sorry for your loss, and my heart goes out to his family.
 
Damn, that sucks. Sorry. Probably had some overwhelming skeletons in the closet. Or coming doom. As I get older I have less and less confidantes so this becomes more believable. Everybody needs people to talk to and vent at times.

No, I'm with you. Most men don't have a lot of friends - especially after marriage- that they can talk to about stuff like that. I feel for his family.....I have a little girl and a little boy that I can't imagine putting them through something like this. But I also know some mentally tough sons of bitches that have thought about it, and a couple from the Navy who either did it or attempted it.

My buddy Jonathan is really torn up about it; they were close. The guy's daughter posted a message today that's just heartbreaking, as it was all her hopes and dreams of his being there for all the big milestones left in her life.

I'm a pretty abrasive a-hole about a lot of things, and I'm not typically a touchy-feely kind of guy - especially towards other men.

But I think that we fail each other sometimes in that we unintentionally isolate folks from help, and I don't want anyone here - even if I don't like them - to think that the world would be a better place without them in it.
 
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No, I'm with you. Most men don't have a lot of friends - especially after marriage- that they can talk to about stuff like that. I feel for his family.....I have a little girl and a little boy that I can't imagine putting them through something like this. But I also know some mentally tough sons of bitches that have thought about it, and a couple from the Navy who either did it or attempted it.

My buddy Jonathan is really torn up about it; they were close. The guy's daughter posted a message today that's just heartbreaking, as it was all her hopes and dreams of his being there for all the big milestones left in her life.

I'm a pretty abrasive a-hole about a lot of things, and I'm not typically a touchy-feely kind of guy - especially towards other men.

But I think that we fail each other sometimes in that we unintentionally isolate folks from help, and I don't want anyone here - even if I don't like them - to think that the world would be a better place without them in it.

Yep, I've got a friend or two that are tougher guys than me I worry about. But it's hard breaching that divide if they don't want to.
 
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Yep, I've got a friend or two thag are tougher guys than me I worry about. But it's hard breaching that divide if they don't want to.

Or if you don't even know it's there. That's the thing with Dan - absolutely nothing weird or curious that would have made me believe anything like this was coming.
 
Or if you don't even know it's there. That's the thing with Dan - absolutely nothing weird or curious that would have made me believe anything like this was coming.

I get that. I can tell you the crap that has gone on in my life over the last few years only my wife and exactly one friend knows it all. It is easy to keep shit contained if you are disciplined and smart.
 
I'm sorry for your loss and sorry for everyone left behind. It's something they will probably never get past. I still ask myself questions about what I might have done to prevent someone I loved from doing this, and it's 25 years later. I feel bad for everyone involved.
 
Brother prayers will be sent for awhile on this one I have no other words other than try to lead the young teenager in the right direction if possible I know it is more than likely complicated situation but maybe you can be there for some of the milestone in her life
 
I get that. I can tell you the crap that has gone on in my life over the last few years only my wife and exactly one friend knows it all. It is easy to keep shit contained if you are disciplined and smart.

Well, it also doesn’t help that social media encourages people to project a version of life that has little to no bearing on reality, and that drives a lot of perception about 1) how carefree and happy life is supposed to be and 2) puts folks in a rat race trying to keep up with the digital Joneses.

Brother prayers will be sent for awhile on this one I have no other words other than try to lead the young teenager in the right direction if possible I know it is more than likely complicated situation but maybe you can be there for some of the milestone in her life

Again, we didn’t hang out regularly, so I don’t personally know his children. We were childhood friends and were planning a backpacking trip in the spring, so interacting regularly but not in a have a beer, talk about work and family and weather sort of way. I appreciate the prayers for his family- they’re going to need the Lord’s strength in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead.
 
Well, it also doesn’t help that social media encourages people to project a version of life that has little to no bearing on reality, and that drives a lot of perception about 1) how carefree and happy life is supposed to be and 2) puts folks in a rat race trying to keep up with the digital Joneses.



Again, we didn’t hang out regularly, so I don’t personally know his children. We were childhood friends and were planning a backpacking trip in the spring, so interacting regularly but not in a have a beer, talk about work and family and weather sort of way. I appreciate the prayers for his family- they’re going to need the Lord’s strength in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead.

I may be a dinsaur but if you/we are that knowledgeable about social media that is a problem.
 
Prayers for the family, we recently had a family at our church experience the same thing. Mental health problems are definitely real, you can't just MAN up and feel better. Please speak up and talk to someone.
 
Prayers to all those involved and are suffering.
I feel for your friend and whatever drove him to this conclusion. But, ultimately, suicide is a selfish act. You free yourself of your own pain, but you inflict pain onto others, some of whom, will carry it for the rest of their lives. It's this thought that keeps clear for me, that suicide will never be an answer.
 
I have experienced this kind of loss in my life more times than I would like. I think I was 12 years old the first time a friend ended his life. And each time this has happened over the years it has torn another hole in the "I'm OK, you're OK , so there's no problem" mindset I developed .

Getting to the point , I'm not ashamed at my age now if I find a friend that I even remotely suspect is struggling, I try to engage them and let them know in one way or another that I have at times worked on my own issues and know what that's like- no judgements. Even at the expense of projecting myself as much weaker than I am- Costs me nothing, I may or may not reach them, but maybe if I can help one dude ground himself, all good. I am not so scared of losing my Man-Card that I cannot pull up a brother.

Too many times its not seeing that there are options , ways out of the box that people see/ imagine themselves in that proves the deciding factor.
 
@SPM Very sorry to hear about your childhood friend. Sometimes things like this occur because of an external source of pressure, such as employment/financial related difficulties and many other types of pressures. Those are usually discovered after the fact. However, whenever I hear of an episode such as the one of your childhood friend, happily married with children and a shock to everyone, the word Depression always comes to mind. Depression is a very strange medical condition that is still not very well understood by society or the medical community for that matter.

I wonder if he was on some type of medication? Not for treatment of Depression, but for some other reason or condition. My wife and I had a friend who committed suicide 8 years ago. He had confided to my wife one day about six months prior that he was on Chantix to quit smoking and he was having very strange thoughts. He was the most normal and happy guy one could ever want to meet. He committed suicide up at Smith Mountain Lake while sitting in a lawn chair overlooking the water.

Again, very sorry to hear about the death of your childhood friend.
 
This is so tragic and I am truly saddened by the loss of your friend and the grief his family must endure. It pains me to admit that I have been on 'both' sides of a situation much like this and it hits very close to home. Prayers for your loss and may the Lord give his comfort, grace and strength this family...
 
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I read this week that 80 percent of suicides were men. Most men have two main reasons for suicide regardless of statistics. Financial issues and relationship issues.

I knew 4 people within 5 miles who killed themselves last year. Two were classmates and job friends. The paper obituary always says “suddenly passed”.
 
My grandfather committed suicide when I was 18. We were very close. He had terminal cancer and was worried all the money he had saved would be used up in medical bills leaving my grandmother with nothing. He walked into the woods and shot himself 6 times in the chest with a 22. My cousin went looking for him at 12 years old and found him.

My aunt shot herself. She had wrecked a vehicle and her daughter (my cousin) was killed. Her son was badly injured as well. She was in the hospital in serious condition and could not attend the funeral. She blamed herself but she also had emotional issues from early childhood that compounded her mental state.

My daughter-in-law’s brother attempted suicide this summer with a bottle of pills over a girl. He lived and seems to be doing better but you never know with the silent type.
 
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SPM - Im sorry to hear of your loss.

I really liked @Alfred 's post, especially the last bit about not being too big to lose any 'man card' points.
 
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Very sorry for your loss. Depression is a real thing and can trump all the good you having going for you. Not sure this was part of it but if it turns out there are no skeletons in the closet then I would bet depression was the reason.
 
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I'm a pretty abrasive a-hole about a lot of things, and I'm not typically a touchy-feely kind of guy - especially towards other men.

But I think that we fail each other sometimes in that we unintentionally isolate folks from help, and I don't want anyone here - even if I don't like them - to think that the world would be a better place without them in it.

This obviously isn't on you man. But let me say as a person that works in this area dealing with emergencies it's tough. The overall thoughts of doing what's right vs not wanting to be involved vs our own belief systems.
This is why when people are killed by police officers going to do an IVC it's tough for me to be against them. I really hate the phrase "They sure protected the hell out of them" simply because these guys mostly want to die. Sometimes you get no warnings about what's going on, sometimes it's staring you in the face and screaming for help.
I feel for his family and all that were in his life. Suicide is the hardest thing anyone will have to live through.
 
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My condolences on your loss and prayers for his family and friends. Thanks for posting this reminder to be aware and reach out to those we care about. Lots of good commentary here.
 
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My grandfather committed suicide when I was 18. We were very close. He had terminal cancer and was worried all the money he had saved would be used up in medical bills leaving my grandmother with nothing. He walked into the woods and shot himself 6 times in the chest with a 22. My cousin went looking for him at 12 years old and found him.

My aunt shot herself. She had wrecked a vehicle and her daughter (my cousin) was killed. Her son was badly injured as well. She was in the hospital in serious condition and could not attend the funeral. She blamed herself but she also had emotional issues from early childhood that compounded her mental state.

My daughter-in-law’s brother attempted suicide this summer with a bottle of pills over a girl. He lived and seems to be doing better but you never know with the silent type.

Damn man, I'm sorry to hear that. I imagine it doesn't get any easier to understand, no matter how many years pass.

But your last statement is absolute truth: it's the ones that don't say a word when going through tough times that catch everyone around them unaware.
 
If you get to that point in life, reach out - tell someone you don't know what to do, or how to fix whatever it may be. I can't guarantee anyone here has the answers to make things right, but I promise you folks here have the answers to keep from making a tough situation unbearable for those you love and for those who love you.

I know your heart is hurting and in the right place but I can tell you from experience someone who’s really close to the edge isn’t going to reach out for help no matter how many times it’s suggested to them. It takes actual physical (and usually unintended) interference to cause a change in their actions.
 
Let me throw this out there. Unfortunately, the ramifications to ones 2nd Amendment right are going to rule out seeking medical in the near future.
 
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Let me through this out there. Unfortunately, the ramifications to ones 2nd Amendment right are going to rule out seeking medical in the near future.

Same reason why you don’t call the cops to help. “Don’t attempt suicide, I’ll have to shoot you”.


This is not cop bashing; there are tons of instances where this happens...someone having a crisis of sorts and family calls police for help and person is killed.
 
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My thoughts go out to the family and you. Suicide is a tough and shitty thing to cope with.
 
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So I don't know that it's gun related, but I don't know that it's not either - and from the statistics on these things, odds are, it is.

Yesterday morning, a childhood friend of mine committed suicide. He left behind a wife, two kids, and not a single word or explanation as to why he did it. His teenage daughter is absolutely distraught, his wife in shock, and his other child too young to grasp what's going on.

Not a single sign - seemed happy, just got back from a couple weeks of vacation in Aruba, coming up on his 10 year anniversary. Had plans of renewing vows, and a handful of us were planning a backpacking trip to Mount Rogers in Virginia this spring as a tribute to our former Scoutmaster, who passed away 5 years ago.

He appeared to be the epitome of happiness and contentedness.

I didn't hang out with him regularly, nor did we see eye to eye on a lot. But whatever had him agrieved so severely that he felt checking out was the only answer - it didn't end or go away, it's now a burden born by his family and friends.

If you get to that point in life, reach out - tell someone you don't know what to do, or how to fix whatever it may be. I can't guarantee anyone here has the answers to make things right, but I promise you folks here have the answers to keep from making a tough situation unbearable for those you love and for those who love you.

I can tell you first hand, that you can go along in life and be tore up inside and be happy as a duck on the outside. There is a stigma attached reaching out for the help needed when you reach this point. Ask me how I know.

It sucks all around and condolences for them.
 
Tough way to lose a friend. I wish I could say that I haven't been there, but, that's not the case. It's never easy. Just a sad thing all the way around. My best to all affected.
 
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I’m am sorry for your loss man, sadly far too many people choose this option rather than finding someone, anyone to lean on, it is truly sad for everyone involved.

My niece committed suicide at 17 years old, no real struggles or any of the typical teen angst reasons you normally hear about, she got caught skipping school and lied about it, got pissed and shot herself.

At worst she would have been grounded and lost the car for a week or two, not even for ditching a couple of classes but for lying about it, she was getting As & Bs so it really wasn’t a big deal, had she came clean and said “yep and I got busted” she would have gotten an ass chewing at most, she chose a permanent solution to a temporary problem and our family will never be the same on so many levels.
 
This is not cop bashing; there are tons of instances where this happens...someone having a crisis of sorts and family calls police for help and person is killed.
I was at the Chatham county CERT meeting last night (* a topic in and if itself). One if the sheriff Captains was giving a presentation and made the comment the due to the lack of funding more than anything, the street cops have become the mental health professionals and that it doesn’t work.
 
As I get older I have less and less confidantes
^^^ same here. A person one can trust is a rare thing.

One of my spans battles depression. On the outside he really has everything going for him, adoring children & wife, succsesful job, successful Amazon fulfillment company startup on the side, healthy, close relationship with family, church and friends. It’s a chemical issue, he’ll be doing great, then crashes for no apparent reason. Doesn’t want to exit the bathroom. He’s found controlling diet, heavy workouts combined with ice baths really help.
It’s scary.
 
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If you need a safe place to get stuff off your chest look up Celebrate Recovery. I spent some time with them about 10 years ago working through some issues I had.

Sent from my SM-J320V using Tapatalk
 
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Men rarely ask for help. Men are supposed to be strong enough to battle thru it all. Its perceived as being a weakness. That is why so many men are homeless. We are dirtbags if we cry for help. Suck it up they say.
 
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