Servants heart?

sr30

sr30

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I'm having a hard time when it comes to my SIL.

She constantly complains how hard it is to have two kids and how she can barely do anything. My wife is constantly helping her out, going to her house to babysit her 4 month old while she "gets work done". She also has a 5 yo. Yes, younger children are difficult, but YOU chose to have another.

Point to my rambling is, it rarely is reciprocated. On and on about how it's so hard....

Meanwhile I have seven mouths to feed and not once that I recall has she ever come babysat for us, not that we need it. My wife is a giver, to a fault.

Reading this, it all sounds very selfish, but I guess I needed to vent and seek input from my brothers in Christ.

I pray daily about this.


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some people will take advantage of a big heart.
 
sr30 said:
I'm having a hard time when it comes to my SIL.

She constantly complains how hard it is to have two kids and how she can barely do anything. My wife is constantly helping her out, going to her house to babysit her 4 month old while she "gets work done". She also has a 5 yo. Yes, younger children are difficult, but YOU chose to have another.

Point to my rambling is, it rarely is reciprocated. On and on about how it's so hard....

Meanwhile I have seven mouths to feed and not once that I recall has she ever come babysat for us, not that we need it. My wife is a giver, to a fault.

Reading this, it all sounds very selfish, but I guess I needed to vent and seek input from my brothers in Christ.

I pray daily about this.


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While bearing one another's burdens is the scriptural thing to do, it is scripturally intended to be reciprocal. It isn't unreasonable to make your assistance contingent upon a reciprocal benefit.
 
People have always told me that good comes from good. Over the many years I have watched my mother and father concistently give with a tender and open heart. Though at the time I thought the hardships of generosity were wasted on the selfish, I have seen the love returned a hundred fold as my parents have aged and those they have helped and loved came to realize the kindness they had been given. I guess it can be hard to see how blessed we are to give and also to receive. I hope you both find blessings, if not now, later.
 
That is a legitimate complaint. I have found Dr. Henry Cloud's writings and Youtube videos on boundaries to be very helpful.
 
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Reminds me of a time I went with a men's group from church to work on a person's house who was not able to do themselves. We had a fairly long list of things that needed to be addressed before we ever got to her house. Once we were there the list continued to grow as the day went on. By the end of the day, we had to tell her no.
On the way home I was talking to a friend and we both agreed that the flavor of the day changed from one of joyful service to one of regular work when you saw your efforts being taken for granted. I don't know if that is a level of selfishness on my part or not but it is how I felt.

I think we are to help those around us, especially family, and sometimes that help seems very one sided. Through the years I've also learned more about healthy boundaries and if you feel that your SIL's requests for help are hurting your family's(mainly you and your wife) relationship then maybe it's time to say no or put limits on it.
 
1 Timothy 5:6-16 is a good passage for your situation. The Word is strong!!

“Whereas she who lives in pleasure and self-gratification [giving herself up to luxury and self-indulgence] is dead even while she [still] lives. Charge [the people] thus, so that they may be without reproach and blameless. If anyone fails to provide for his relatives, and especially for those of his own family, he has disowned the faith [by failing to accompany it with fruits] and is worse than an unbeliever [who performs his obligation in these matters]. Let no one be put on the roll of widows [who are to receive church support] who is under sixty years of age or who has been the wife of more than one man; And she must have a reputation for good deeds, as one who has brought up children, who has practiced hospitality to strangers [of the brotherhood], washed the feet of the saints, helped to relieve the distressed, [and] devoted herself diligently to doing good in every way. But refuse [to enroll on this list the] younger widows, for when they become restive and their natural desires grow strong, they withdraw themselves against Christ [and] wish to marry [again]. And so they incur condemnation for having set aside and slighted their previous pledge. Moreover, as they go about from house to house, they learn to be idlers, and not only idlers, but gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not say and talking of things they should not mention. So I would have younger [widows] marry, bear children, guide the household, [and] not give opponents of the faith occasion for slander or reproach. For already some [widows] have turned aside after Satan. If any believing woman or believing man has [relatives or persons in the household who are] widows, let him relieve them; let the church not be burdened [with them], so that it may [be free to] assist those who are truly widows (those who are all alone and are dependent).”
‭‭1 Timothy‬ ‭5:6-16‬ ‭AMPC‬‬


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Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.
1 Corinthians 15:58


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