Talk to your parents!

[rufrdr]

Here I am at 70 years old and reflecting on how very little I know about my parents. Being a typical kid and then teenager, I was wrapped up in my own life and didn't ask my mom and dad about their lives before they were parents. I learned some things but both were reluctant to talk about themselves. My mother died in 1979 and my dad in 2008. As my dad aged he was a bit more willing to talk about his life but would cut off his reminisces because he was uncomfortable talking about himself. My mother rarely talked about her young life.

My Irish grandfather and his brother could spin some tales and all were so funny. It wasn't until years after my great uncle passed away that I learned that he had been a mule teamster in France during WW1, transporting supplies to the front by pack mule. I found out that my Scottish grandmother was fluent in French and playing the piano, and was a model here in the U.S. If I had only known when they were still here!

I think we can understand ouselves if we understand our parents and grandparents and what shaped their lives. Talk with them before it is too late!

 

[Red Marley]

So very true. Like most teenagers, I knew everything and thought my parents were dumb, plus dad was working all the time (probably to get away from his lousy kids). I went 500 miles away to college and dad died before I finished; mom followed a few years later. I never got to know them as people. Piecing some things together about my dad, I really wish I could get a do-over. Don’t be like me.

 

[LarrySr.]

At 76 I certainly support this as being so true. Don't wait you will probably regret it.

 

[Reagan98]

I know what you talk about. I learned so much from my dad over the years during our talks about his grandparents and parents growing up. My dad passed a couple years ago at 82. During my teen years, I felt I knew EVERYTHING. As time went by and the conversations we had, I realized as I grew older, I began to get dumber and he became brilliant. Funny how that works, from being young and thinking you know so much, just to realize your dad gets so much smarter!

 

[RR]

Have one friend who lost his dad today and another whose dad is in the hospital likely facing a heart surgery. I lost mine 22 years ago this April.

This thread hits home. Take heed.

 

[Sp00ks]

I tried many 6times to ask my dad about his tour in Korea, he never told me much of anything, even on his deathbed.

Lost him in 2010.

 

[fieldgrade]

I was fortunate that my parents didn’t kill me, or have me killed, as a youth.

But I had a good relationship with them once I moved out.

Dad’s been gone way too long, 29 years.
Mom is 90 now, and wishes she was gone, too.

 

[RR]

I tried many 6times to ask my dad about his tour in Korea, he never told me much of anything, even on his deathbed.

Lost him in 2010.

My dad would talk about WWII. A little. He never talked about Korea.

 

[Djstorm100]

I regret not talking to my great grandmother (Mom's side) and my grandparents (Dad side)

Great Grandmother was born in 1914. All the hellish stuff she has been though, what she seen is just mind blowing but being a kid, didn't realize it

 

[InvisibleOne]

Don't be afraid to ask ... if we can't answer, you'll know we're not ready.
But, we want to be asked. We want to share. We want the young to understand.
When you ask, we know you're ready to listen.

 

[Gnash.Hyena]

I talk with my dad once a week. My mom passed away several years ago, so that ship has sailed, but I do value my time talking with dad.

 

[DuncanLempRIP]

I can't be reminded of this frequently enough. Thank you.

 

[Gator]

I was fortunate that my parents didn’t kill me, or have me killed, as a youth.

But I had a good relationship with them once I moved out.

Dad’s been gone way too long, 29 years.
Mom is 90 now, and wishes she was gone, too.

When we were visiting my grandmother for Mother's Day just before she passed away at the age of 98, she told me "I'm tired, I've lived my life and half of someone else's".

.

 

[Stogies]

I can't be reminded of this frequently enough. Thank you.

That's what I was thinking.

 

[BlackGun]

I’ve talked to my mother about her childhood many times, rarely my deceased father. My mom was one of seven. Life was hard. I saw their first home when I was 8. Damn it was small. Looked to be 1000sqft. The good old days as far as ethics, low crime, and neighbors helping each other is nice but daily life was hard. Low pay, tight living spaces, and few comfort products. A toaster for bread was a big deal. Ceiling lights, nope.

Never asked my father about his stint in the Army. All I know is he was in the Korean War for about one year of his time. I have a lot of regrets when it comes to my father. My mother kept us from him and brain washed us to not like him. It took until I was 25 to realize what she did and how it destroyed my dad mentally.

 

[Downeast]

As a side note, for those of you who have children please take the time to take as many pictures as you can of yourselves. My siblings and I have lots of pictures of us as children but very few of our parents. The few we do have we cherish as they are now both gone. And make sure to have those pictures printed out on good quality paper as electronic pictures may or may not exist in the years ahead. Electronic media is easily deleted or lost or degraded.

 

[Pbj ak]

My grandparents had some slides (1100 ish) from 40-60 years ago and they always talked about getting them out and looking at them but never did. I couple years ago my wife and I took them to a lady to have them transferred to a digital form. We put them on a tablet and started filming my grandparents talking about them but didn’t ever finish. My grandma passed a couple months ago and I wish I had finished. They loved to look at the pictures together and my grandpa still does.

I live next door and go up to check on my grandpa daily, which I’ve done for years now. Every night we sit and talk but now he’s got to the point he tells me the same 9/10 stories. I try to sit and listen just like it was the first time because he like to tell them.

What questions would you guys ask if you were me and to your older folks on here, what would you like to hear about from your kids/grandkids?

 

[B00ger]

I spend as much time as I can with my dad, and he tells story after story after story. So much so that I new listen despite having heard the same story a few dozen times. I have asked him to start writing some of this stuff down because they are hilarious and my memory for detail sucks.

 

[Chuckman]

My father died in 1977, he was 39 (I was 8). Everything I really learned about him was from other family members.

My mom died almost 18 years ago.

If I knew then what I knew now.... I would have talked with my mom about her childhood and family a LOT more. True with the others in the family, all gone now: so many WW2/Korea/VN vets, rich stories and backgrounds. And now all of that is pretty much gone.

 

[Crazy Carl]

Uggh. Tough one for me. Both my parents were & are abusive, manipulative pieces of excrement. Both grandmothers were as well & one still is. Maternal grandfather died when I was 5 & my female genetic contributor destroyed any trace of him, just to spite her siblings & children.

Paternal grandfather was a good dude, WW2 & Korea vet & we were close. Sharecropper's son, 6th grade education, the whole bit- worked 60+ hrs/week at a cement plant, ran a working beef cattle farm & raised 4 kids, plus a couple grandkids. He passed just before Thanksgiving '20 & while I've got no pics or mementos, 'cos my "family" sucks at that, I do have a lot of good memories.

I knew my paternal grandfather's parents & while they seemed pleasant enough, the families of their 3 sons are/were highly dysfunctional & toxic & have had zero contact with the others for decades. My paternal grandmother's mom was a battle axe & given the harpy she birthed & the fact that my male genetic contributor was their favorite little angel who could do no wrong, I don't really care to know any more about her than I do.

And sadly (for me, anyway), there's no one to pass my "story" down to. My childhood was such hell that I swore I would not bring a child into the world until I could be sure it would be born into a happy, loving home & by the time those conditions were met, it was too late.

I really do envy y'all that have great relationships with your families. There are a handful of us that have broken the cycle & are close now, but it's not the same & will never fill that gaping black hole.

 

[Schattenreiter]

My dad never would talk about the war(WWII). Only thing I know of his service is newspaper articles and the medals he had. I learned early to stop asking questions about his service. It was mostly curiosity because of the scars he carried from being wounded 3 times, but I finally learned to let it go.

 

[phideux]

Mom went 10yrs ago, Dad went 5. I know my Dads side going back to the 1400s. I know almost nothing about my Moms side. All I know is a Welsh/Irish mix, and my Mom was born in Pennsylvania.

 

[Chuckman]

My dad never would talk about the war(WWII). Only thing I know of his service is newspaper articles and the medals he had. I learned early to stop asking questions about his service. It was mostly curiosity because of the scars he carried from being wounded 3 times, but I finally learned to let it go.

Some of the old men in the family didn't talk about their service, some talked all the time, making me roll my eyes. But I was too young to appreciate what they wanted to say, and now I wish I had taped or written some of the stories.

Mom went 10yrs ago, Dad went 5. I know my Dads side going back to the 1400s. I know almost nothing about my Moms side. All I know is a Welsh/Irish mix, and my Mom was born in Pennsylvania.

I got into genealogy about 3 years ago, and the things I have found out--the good, the bad, and the ugly--are fascinating. I wish my parents and older family were around so I could talk to them about some of these things.

 

[1075tech]

Dad passed in 2011, mom in 2019. Dad never talked about his time in WWII. Well, very little anyway.

They divorced when I was 10. Before that, he was a truck driver and gone often, only home on weekends.

Because of the family drama that I didn't understand then, and to a point, still don't, I never saw my grandmother again.

Dad and I reconnected on and off over the years and then pretty regularly from about '91.

My oldest brother and sister know more about those early years and will tell stories now and then.

I never met any of my aunts or uncles that I remember. I did meet one cousin once as a young teen. But she was killed by a drunk driver just before her 18th birthday.

I envy those of you who have large extended families