It has fallen to me to administer my Mom's estate. Though we are a loving family, my sisters and I aren't always united on all that must be done. I would appreciate prayers & good thoughts for guidance as I make decisions. Thanks.
Stressing out over an Estate issue
- Thread starter Windini
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When we met the other day, you struck me as earnest and level headed. You’ll choose the right path.
I’m sorry to hear that you lost your mother.
I’m sorry to hear that you lost your mother.
When it comes to these matters I guess I’m one of the lucky few. When my mother passed a few years ago my brother and 2 sisters it drew us back together again like our childhood. We got along great,O issues and made all decisions between us 4. No spouses included. I’ll pray for you and your family, I have seen a few get nasty.
My sister's and I took my mother to an attorney and had all of her stuff and wishes put into a trust. I was the executor. Everything was already spelled out when she passed. All I had to do was follow what was in the trust. It sure made things easy. I would recommend that everyone get a trust before they die.
Praying for you all.
Praying for you. Done that job twice, it's not easy.
I hope you get all the help and cooperation you need.
I hope you get all the help and cooperation you need.
I was chosen as executor for my uncle’s estate because he assumed (correctly) that 2 of his kids would be too distraught to make good decisions, and the 3rd kid would try to take advantage of that.
Set milestones for what needs to be done, and make some padding in the timeline for each milestone so you can take a day to recharge and just think sometimes.
Involve your sisters in the milestone setting process, but if their are disagreements on timing, always go with the longer timeline so that you are rarely/never missing a deadline.
Set milestones for what needs to be done, and make some padding in the timeline for each milestone so you can take a day to recharge and just think sometimes.
Involve your sisters in the milestone setting process, but if their are disagreements on timing, always go with the longer timeline so that you are rarely/never missing a deadline.
two fingers
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Sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and your family. I've seen these things get sideways more than a few times. Just love each other. "Things" aren't worth losing family over.
My great grandmother wasn't a rich woman. She didn't have much to speak of when she dies.... some furniture dishes and clothes. Two of my great aunts (both of whom were pretty well off) fought like cats and dogs over her National Geograpjic magazines. Granted, she pretty much had every single one. But still, it was a ridiculous thing to right over.
I have found that when I lose a loved one, I want something they touched every day. My sister died at 20 years old in 1994. She was off at college at the time. I have her Keychain and her backpack. Those are things she used every single day. They are worth exactly zero dollars to anyone else but priceless to me.
Pick a couple of things like that.... a pot she cooked in a lot, her Keychain, etc. Then try your best on the rest. In this case, value really is a "relative" term.
My great grandmother wasn't a rich woman. She didn't have much to speak of when she dies.... some furniture dishes and clothes. Two of my great aunts (both of whom were pretty well off) fought like cats and dogs over her National Geograpjic magazines. Granted, she pretty much had every single one. But still, it was a ridiculous thing to right over.
I have found that when I lose a loved one, I want something they touched every day. My sister died at 20 years old in 1994. She was off at college at the time. I have her Keychain and her backpack. Those are things she used every single day. They are worth exactly zero dollars to anyone else but priceless to me.
Pick a couple of things like that.... a pot she cooked in a lot, her Keychain, etc. Then try your best on the rest. In this case, value really is a "relative" term.
I'm going through estate issues as well. My father's will just said that his assets should be equally divided between his 3 kids, no executor named.
Lawyer said making one an executor would streamline the process so we did paperwork to make me executor and my siblings signed it. No issues right? Well the Clerk of courts have been dragging and issues with the paperwork took 2 months to clear up. Just got it done yesterday.
Now we can do the notice to creditors in the paper and still have to wait 90 days to liquidate the assets.
Good luck.
Lawyer said making one an executor would streamline the process so we did paperwork to make me executor and my siblings signed it. No issues right? Well the Clerk of courts have been dragging and issues with the paperwork took 2 months to clear up. Just got it done yesterday.
Now we can do the notice to creditors in the paper and still have to wait 90 days to liquidate the assets.
Good luck.
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My dad died a little over a month ago...
He had a will, but it was super vague. It was one page and said, "everything should be split evenly 6 ways", and listed the names of the 6 people.
Then, he made me AND one of my brothers CO-executors of the will. That turned into a huge headache because all of the banks and financial institutions wanted me and my brother to come in person to sign everything together. My dad and all his stuff was in Alabama. I'm in NC, and my brother is in VA.
Every single place I called would not speak to me without also speaking to my brother at the same time... And they all said, "This is strange. Why did your father choose two executors? This would be so much easier if there were only one executor."
And, in Alabama, you have to wait 6 months for probate.
One of my sisters is listed in the will and she needs the money to pay bills... But I can't give it to her for another 5 months...
Anyway... Luckily, none of us fought over anything. And, it did bring us all closer together again.
Best of luck, OP. I'm praying for God to help you make good decisions.
Here we have a Renunciation of right to administer estate form that can be filed to make just one of you the executor. That's what has held me up.
For me, there is no contention between me and the sibs, just bureaucracy.
OP
Thanks again, everyone, for your prayers, good wishes, and personal stories. It helps.
The situation that had me stressing (this time!) was an offer on my mom's place. We listed it recently, had several showings, a lowball offer, then an offer that was well below asking but spot-on the CMA value we got before we listed it. The amount would have been enough to settle mom's affairs according to her wishes, but probably not much, if anything, for me & my two sisters.
It was a clean offer from a strong buyer, and I was inclined to take it. Things have been dragging, and we really need closure.
My elder sister (who was the one who told us early on there was no value over the mortgage and was fine just letting it go to the bank) pushed for a counter offer. Note her own financial life is typically in shambles, yet she takes High Holy Umbrage if anyone dares to not fawn over her brilliant fiscal strategies.
She has sometimes decided I'm a rival whose ideas must be defeated not because of any lack of merit but simply because they aren't hers and down with the Patriarchy, to boot! My gripe notwithstanding, I do love her and want the best for her. She's just difficult at times.
Anyway, my younger sister (Salt of the Earth, hardworker, lives w/in her means, high integrity, funny, self-effacing - can't say enough good about her) chimed in in favor of a counter offer. I was afraid the buyers would walk, we'd be back to square one, and we can't afford to carry it a whole lot longer.
So I posted here. My own prayer was to hand the stress over to Him, set my own ego aside, and make a decision that would keep peace in the family (as mom would want) without scotching the deal. Against my better judgement, I made the counter offer, slightly less than 1/2-way back to asking price.
Lo and behold, y'all got some clout! The buyers accepted it overnight.
As for my ego, well, it turns out that - if you add a dash of prayer, a side of friends, and some Humble Pie for desert, Crow ain't so bad! I didn't mind telling the sisterhood they were right.
The situation that had me stressing (this time!) was an offer on my mom's place. We listed it recently, had several showings, a lowball offer, then an offer that was well below asking but spot-on the CMA value we got before we listed it. The amount would have been enough to settle mom's affairs according to her wishes, but probably not much, if anything, for me & my two sisters.
It was a clean offer from a strong buyer, and I was inclined to take it. Things have been dragging, and we really need closure.
My elder sister (who was the one who told us early on there was no value over the mortgage and was fine just letting it go to the bank) pushed for a counter offer. Note her own financial life is typically in shambles, yet she takes High Holy Umbrage if anyone dares to not fawn over her brilliant fiscal strategies.
She has sometimes decided I'm a rival whose ideas must be defeated not because of any lack of merit but simply because they aren't hers and down with the Patriarchy, to boot! My gripe notwithstanding, I do love her and want the best for her. She's just difficult at times.Anyway, my younger sister (Salt of the Earth, hardworker, lives w/in her means, high integrity, funny, self-effacing - can't say enough good about her) chimed in in favor of a counter offer. I was afraid the buyers would walk, we'd be back to square one, and we can't afford to carry it a whole lot longer.
So I posted here. My own prayer was to hand the stress over to Him, set my own ego aside, and make a decision that would keep peace in the family (as mom would want) without scotching the deal. Against my better judgement, I made the counter offer, slightly less than 1/2-way back to asking price.
Lo and behold, y'all got some clout! The buyers accepted it overnight.
As for my ego, well, it turns out that - if you add a dash of prayer, a side of friends, and some Humble Pie for desert, Crow ain't so bad! I didn't mind telling the sisterhood they were right.