Metalliman27055
Insert title here:
I am not haven’t claimed to be a religious person. However the chapel seemed like the best place to post this rant.
I received a call on Xmas eve that my father was being taken to his local er by fd/rescue squad. So much pain that he hadn’t left the bed in two days and was now unable to move without screaming.
Turns out he has an infection in his spine. Drs said it was typical with dialysis patients and probably started at his central cath (chest catheter for hemodialysis) that of course was installed due to a failure and infection in his fistula. Drs said 7-10 days of antibiotic and he’d be good to go.
The infection has gotten worse. So he was sent to a rehab facility.
I got a call three days ago that he was being transferred back to the hospital. Several mri and biopsies later the spinal surgeon has determined that two Vertebrae are practically destroyed by the infection. His options are: fight off infection and multiple surgery attempts to repair spine (that likely will just breed new infection when the body rejects the new hardware) or continues to treat the infection with antibiotics but remain bedridden and in pain. Or hospice.
He’s been in indescribable pain for weeks. And has made the decision that he is done with the fight. My wonderful wife and i flew out yesterday and have spent the majority of that time here with him.
Tomorrow he will be transferred back home and in Home hospice will attempt to make him as comfortable as possible. I’ve held it together as much as possible while watching my hero writhe in pain for 24 hours. The different medications he is stacking have had him in and out of hallucinations. About an hour ago I asked what I could do and he said “it’s my last day on earth and I just want you to love me”
I can’t keep it together and both he and his wife need me to be strong.
This is the worst day of my life and the shittiest part is I know an even harder one is just around the corner.
Thanks for giving me somewhere to vent. I appreciate this community more than you will ever know.
Rodney
Update-
He passed yesterday at 1510 local time. He never made it back home. The hospice nurses did not think he would be comfortable for the ambulance ride home and did not risk trying to transport. My wife was by his side while I was about 400 feet away on the phone with my best friend who happens to be an anesthesiologist and we were discussing the alternative pain and sedative cocktails when my phone rang and call id showed my wife’s number. I sprinted back into the room and just as I had done every 30 minutes for the last 48 hours said I am here pop. He looked me in the eyes and gave the same expression of recognition he has given me all weekend and exhaled his last breath.
I hate he wasn’t home with his dog or wife by his side (she was traveling to their house to get his bi-pap machine to try and make his rest easier) like he wanted. The ONLY saving grace is my wife and I were by his side and he knew I was there. That look on his face has haunted me all night. While I know it wasn’t pain,anxiety, or frustration. I’ll never forget looking him in the eyes for that last moment.
Today we will go to the mortuary and process the required steps to have him cremated.
Thank you again for all your support
Rodney
Rodney Wilson White 7/20/1961-1/10/2019
I love you Dad.
I received a call on Xmas eve that my father was being taken to his local er by fd/rescue squad. So much pain that he hadn’t left the bed in two days and was now unable to move without screaming.
Turns out he has an infection in his spine. Drs said it was typical with dialysis patients and probably started at his central cath (chest catheter for hemodialysis) that of course was installed due to a failure and infection in his fistula. Drs said 7-10 days of antibiotic and he’d be good to go.
The infection has gotten worse. So he was sent to a rehab facility.
I got a call three days ago that he was being transferred back to the hospital. Several mri and biopsies later the spinal surgeon has determined that two Vertebrae are practically destroyed by the infection. His options are: fight off infection and multiple surgery attempts to repair spine (that likely will just breed new infection when the body rejects the new hardware) or continues to treat the infection with antibiotics but remain bedridden and in pain. Or hospice.
He’s been in indescribable pain for weeks. And has made the decision that he is done with the fight. My wonderful wife and i flew out yesterday and have spent the majority of that time here with him.
Tomorrow he will be transferred back home and in Home hospice will attempt to make him as comfortable as possible. I’ve held it together as much as possible while watching my hero writhe in pain for 24 hours. The different medications he is stacking have had him in and out of hallucinations. About an hour ago I asked what I could do and he said “it’s my last day on earth and I just want you to love me”
I can’t keep it together and both he and his wife need me to be strong.
This is the worst day of my life and the shittiest part is I know an even harder one is just around the corner.
Thanks for giving me somewhere to vent. I appreciate this community more than you will ever know.
Rodney
Update-
He passed yesterday at 1510 local time. He never made it back home. The hospice nurses did not think he would be comfortable for the ambulance ride home and did not risk trying to transport. My wife was by his side while I was about 400 feet away on the phone with my best friend who happens to be an anesthesiologist and we were discussing the alternative pain and sedative cocktails when my phone rang and call id showed my wife’s number. I sprinted back into the room and just as I had done every 30 minutes for the last 48 hours said I am here pop. He looked me in the eyes and gave the same expression of recognition he has given me all weekend and exhaled his last breath.
I hate he wasn’t home with his dog or wife by his side (she was traveling to their house to get his bi-pap machine to try and make his rest easier) like he wanted. The ONLY saving grace is my wife and I were by his side and he knew I was there. That look on his face has haunted me all night. While I know it wasn’t pain,anxiety, or frustration. I’ll never forget looking him in the eyes for that last moment.
Today we will go to the mortuary and process the required steps to have him cremated.
Thank you again for all your support
Rodney
Rodney Wilson White 7/20/1961-1/10/2019
I love you Dad.
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